Some D Grade Movies

I thought I'd start out this blog with a sample of some movies I have watched in each category. D movies are real dogs, but have some redeeming virtue or residual interest. I only list those that were surprising, where my expectations were much higher.

D

Chasing Freedom

Juliette Lewis, Lila Alizada

Woman (LA) escapes Taliban, seeks refuge in US. JL is her inexperienced lawyer trying to prevent deportation. A good premise and important story, ruined by execrable dialog and bad acting. I know JL is a fine actor so the blame has to be on the directing. Movie has the stink of TV. What a waste.

D

Mr & Mrs Smith

Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie

Govt assassins are married to each other but neither knows the other's secret role. They find out. Some inspired moments (marriage counseling) but ear-splitting explosions are the main feature. Surprisingly, the stars have no chemistry and are looking old & tired. Neither is good at humor.

D

It's All About Love

Joaquin Phoenix, Clare Danes

Excellent music and photography save this movie from total failure. A great idea - woman performer in US is a cash cow "owned" by the Russian mafia. But the story is so badly told and edited, it doesn't make any sense. So-so acting.

D

Batman Begins

Dir=Christopher Nolan; Michael Caine, Liam Neeson, Christian Bale

How Batman became Batman. Wooden acting, cliche story, trite dialog. Neeson is a howler as the bad guy. Explosions, visual effects will please boys 8-14. Earplugs are needed against the extremely loud, gratuitous noise.

D

Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Screenplay by Douglas Adams, based on the book

Earth is blown up by space aliens but our man escapes by stowing away on an alien ship, then hitching a ride on a renegade ship stolen by the president of the universe. An aimless set of cliches from Star Trek, Star Wars, 2001 Space Odyssey, Indiana Jones, Wild Wild West, and others. Gets points for creative non-sequiturs. Bad music is twice as loud as dialog and meaning- less FX sound is 3 times louder so you need to keep your thumb on the mute button or risk ear damage.

D

Birth

Nicole Kidman, Lauren Bacall

I'll watch any movie with NK. She is one of the best actors in the world right now, but I hope she doesn't choose her own scripts. A 10 yr old boy claims to be her dead husband, then says he's not. She believes him both times, just because she's nuts. But in one stunning scene, NK stares into the camera, full face, for 60 seconds. Movie is worth seeing for that one scene. LB still lively; she once was as beautiful as NK. All gone now.

D

I Love Huckabees

Dustin Hoffman, Isabella Huppert, Lily Tomlin, Jude Law, Naomi Watts

Dustin and Lily are "existential detectives," altho we don't know what that is or what they do. Some good individual skits and funny lines, but this movie was obviously written by a committee. DH sleepwalks throughout. JL tries hard, but there is nothing here.

D

Anchorman

Will Ferrel, Christina Applegate

Puerile parody of anchor news teams, back in the 70's when "women's lib" was important and the costumes were cute. Funny for 6-12 yr olds. One laugh is the rumble scene from West Side Story among anchor teams, Tim Robbins and Ben Stiller appearing as rival news anchors. Few virtues.

D

The Manchurian Candidate

Denzel Washington, Meryl Streep; Liev Schreiber; Produced by "Tina Sinatra"? (I don't want to know.)

A remake of the Korean War classic with Frank Sinatra, updated to the first Gulf War. Well acted by DW and MS, and some good photog, but that's it. The story line cannot even be followed, the script is brain dead, the pace without tension. Unidentified characters appear and disappear. Quotes from the original are without context. Wasted.

D

I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

Clive Owen, Charlotte Rampling, Malcolm McDowell

Clive, an ex mobster, comes out of retirement to find the murderer of his brother. The first hour is a yawner, and even after that, it is sloooow. Saved from total failure by some fine acting and good speeches by the 3 principals.

D

The Stepford Wives

Nicole Kidman, Mathew Broderick, Bette Midler, Christopher Walken, Glenn Close

An excellent cast is wasted by a bad screenplay. Where could you hide a set of ideal housewife robots, where nobody would notice? Connecticut of course! (Har, har). A few laughs, but sophomoric. Wasted opportunity.

D

People I Know

Al Pacino, Kim Basinger, Ryan O'Neal

AP is a NYC PR man on the rocks, with a ridiculous southern accent. His client, RO, wants to run for senate but there is a video out there of sex with a hooker. Oh dear. Hence murder, mayhem are required. Gets a "D" only because of some sense of the NYC, PR lifestyle.

D

Paycheck

Ben Affleck, Uma Thurman, Dir=John Woo

Why can't people who do sci-fi movies tell a story ? Engineer agrees to have his memory of three years' work wiped out, in exchange for $. Why? No reason. He recovers the memory anyway. How? No reason. Yet another tacit cultural expression of anxiety about Alzheimer's.

D

Matchstick Men

Nick Cage, Alison Lohman

Con man Cage discovers lost daughter, teaches her, but she stings him and is not his daughter. Story breaks the contract of trust with the audience. Deictic or not, it's wrong.

D

In the Cut

Meg Ryan, Mark Ruffalo. Dir=Jane Campion (Piano)

A thin mystery with cop and MR falling in sex. Prurient and gratuitous sexuality. MR acts her heart out. No character motivation. Jerky hand held camera. OK photog, music. MR is so often degraded in her movies. Why is that?

D

Swimming Pool

Charlotte Rampling

An uptight writer (CR) retreats to a villa. A young woman with ample mammaries arrives and lives sex, music, drugs, alcohol. She kills a guy with a rock for no reason. Writer helps with burial for no reason then has sex with the 70 yr old gardener for no reason. Good acting by CR

D

Assassination Tango

Robert Duvall (wrote, directed, starred)

Hired killer goes to Argentina and learns tango while waiting for the target. Hard to say why the movie is so flat. Makes Duvall look 55 instead of 75 but so what? Not believable. There are better dance movies.

D

8-Mile

Eminem, Kim Basinger

Hip Hop rapper struggles in Detroit to make a living and a name. Gang wars are fought in music instead of the alternative. 2-dimensional characters live their self-created stereotypes. A film need not lack insight just because its characters do.

D

Frida

Selma Hayek. Dir= Julie Taymor who did Titus Andronicus.

Biopic of Kahlo. Director thought she was doing a bio, forgot it was a movie. A for Bio, D for movie. For an art theme, shouldn't it at least look good?

D

Road to Perdition

Paul Newman, Tom Hanks

PN as a crime boss? I don't think so! Zombie acting, cliche story, dizzying camera movement. Some fine photog.

D

Minority Report

Tom Cruise, Dir=Speilberg

Future thought police prevent crimes before they happen, using psychics in a fish tank. Story doesn’t add up, 2-dimensional characters, no acting, bad music, no suspense. Excessive use of blue filters for no reason. Unsubtle product placement.