Lonely Hearts: Grade D

D

Lonely Hearts (2006)

John Travolta, Janes Gandolfini, Salma Hayek, Jared Leto, Laura Dern; Writer & Director Todd Robinson.

Travolta and Gandolfini are 1950s era detectives on the trail of a pair of con artists (Leto and Hayek). Leto romances elderly women to rob them. Hayek hangs around looking beautiful while he does this, and sometimes kills the women and helps cut up the bodies. Meanwhile, Travolta is supposed to be having an affair with Dern, but that relationship is lifeless and pointless. This is a tired theme, done much better as a comedy by Michael Caine and Steve Martin 20 years ago (and it was a remake even then). There is no humor in this version, which is just a long trail of dark, sordid episodes as the con artists swindle one victim after another. Gandolfini does his Tony Soprano shtik without self-irony, Travolta frowns a lot, but the only decent acting is from Hayek, who gives a fine performance despite a stupid role. Music and directing are mediocre at best. Costumes and sets try to make up for a weak narrative, but only detract. Were police station walls really painted in Sears green, including the wainscoting? A large stellar cast like this is usually a bad sign, and this project proves that rule.